![Re: [Sibling has] enough to retire but [believes] "my career is my identity"](/var/www/www.bogleheads.org/htdocs/forum/images/smilies/annoyed.gif "Re: [Sibling has] enough to retire but [believes] \"my career is my identity\"")
lgb wrote: Tue Oct 21, 2025 12:57 am
… Possibly sibling feels they are that important to the success of the company, or has big ego and thinks they are that important/crucial, or feels like they could be affecting youngsters that might feel they are a mentor to them. …
No one – I repeat – no one is critical to the business… Founders, CEOs, etc. leave (or get pushed out) all the time. But the business continues to run.
Take a look at Apple – they pushed Jobs out – ended up hiring him back, and are still doing OK with Cook at the helm.
Heck, same is true for our presidents… Regardless of which political strip you are, we’ve “survived” one from both sides. We’ll survive the next one as well… (No matter how much the talking heads tell us each time that “this time is different”…)
But it can be really hard for our egos to accept that truth… In our minds we “know” the place will “fall apart” without us. And sure, might hit a few bumps, but they’ll figure out how to get through it, they always do…
Said differently, if someone is “critical” to the business, that is a business that is destined to fail. That is a massive unmanaged risk… No thriving business should be dependent on any one employee (ignoring – obviously – sole proprietary businesses). That’s a failure of planning… And what difference does it make if they fail now (retirement) or in X years (death)… Which is why this isn’t really an issue… When that time comes, they’ll figure it out…
And if the sibling really “cares” about the business, then instead of “staying on” – delaying the inevitable, maybe they can shift the focus to the “succession plan” and bring clarity to all involved…
Lastly, if they do “compromise” and start taking more time away with spouse, they’ll likely start to realize that the place “somehow managed to survive without them”. It’s really interesting to see what perspective people have after returning from a long vacation… Maybe even a full “sabbatical”… They might realize they can find fulfillment outside of work, and realize work will survive just fine without them… Or heck, maybe they realize they “need” work for “fulfillment” and maybe work will fail apart (temporarily) without them – which buys them a ton of political capital to make changes they’ve probably wanted to make but couldn’t.
As a bit of an aide, but on a somewhat related note, this is what happened to my spouse… As previously noted, we are arguably Financially Independent and could afford to retire at any time. But our “plan” has us working to hit a specific milestone tied to benefits (which we could live without, but close enough now might as well wait). Spouse has worked part-time for many years now, since our child was young.
Spouse’s employer recently were trying to hire (or promote) a new senior leader in the organization. My spouse was literally the only one qualified (internally or externally) – at least at the pay they offered… But they tried “requiring” the position to be full time. Spouse said “no” (kid is in high school – they “could” go back full time, but have zero interest to do so, not even for large promotion and pay increase). They tried “forcing” the situation, threatening to reclassify their current position to full time. Spouse just smiled and said “would like to see how that goes for you.” Eventually, they got the message they wanted my spouse more than my spouse needed the job (either job), so they let them stay part time and get the promotion.
That’s led to other similar situations where my spouse just makes it clear that certain things need to be done differently… They have much more “authority” to cut through the noise as its clear they don’t have to care about “corporate politics”, they are only there to get their job done and ideally leave things better for when they leave. They spend a lot of their time helping people who might be eventual “successors”, but that’s ultimately up to those who remain behind when they eventually retire. Absent that specific milestone, they have zero intention of working at this job forever… They already know what they want to do next, and it isn’t this job… And their employer will either promote someone if they’ve executed a succession plan, hire externally, or more likely increase the pay scale to effectively recruit the people they need. It will cost them more, but they’ll survive…
Me on the other hand, I’m more inclined like your sibling – if things stay decent could see working past the “planned” date… But entirely subjective to me “getting meaningful benefit” – which is no longer exclusively financial [but wouldn’t do this for free]. I often – only partially – joke I’m only one bad day or one bad manager away from calling it quits. I recognize I don’t “need” this job, my ego has accepted they don’t “need” me, but so long as it’s an acceptable balance of trade – can keep it going… As spouse approaches their milestone (and retirement), I’ll look to make more changes to “compromise”. Might be “retiring”, might be taking lots more vacation time, might be seeing if employer (or competitor) would let me move to “part time”, might be figuring out how to get my “fulfillment” from things that aren’t my “job”… I recognize I’m “spending my life” [hours remaining] – and treat it as such…
