WarpSpeed wrote: Thu Sep 04, 2025 3:02 pm
OP, thanks for posting and engaging in this thread. This is a very valuable discussion for so many people on this board, because so many people are right there with you, facing similar decisions and tradeoffs.Best advice: This is not a binary decision. This is not a choice between walking away from $1.3M or sticking it out for 4 years at a job you no longer enjoy. Find a middle ground.
You’ve done a nice job of laying out the situation and the many variables in play. Stop and reflect on what you really want. From reading your original post (and from the followups), I can summarize the key drivers as:
1. You no longer enjoy your job. It has changed (due to changes in company direction and policy) in ways that have directly impacted your day to day job satisfaction negatively.
2. You want to spend more time with your daughter.
3. Your overall commuting is a big drain (work and daughter’s school in opposite directions).
4. Your health is impacted negatively (NOTE: this is likely the result of the conflict/stress you feel from all of the above, not just from your job combined with limited time devoted to exercise and health)
5. The logical, financial (math) problems that are impacted by the job.
So… Pick one and start there. Again, not all or nothing. You don’t have to have the optimal solution today or tomorrow. You just need to make things a little better without drastic negative impacts on the other drivers.
Because of how various aspects of our lives are so intertwined with one another, choosing to focus and improve on one of the key drivers will almost certainly have some sort of impact on the others. Sometimes negative. Sometimes positive. For example, choosing to focus on health, diet, and exercise will almost certainly have a positive impact on your mental health. This may in turn have a positive impact on how you feel about your job. But it may mean less time to devote to job/career which may mean less financial gain. You get the idea, obviously (which is why you posted).
Anyway… The fact that your job has recently changed for the negative seems significant. The changes (and your feelings about those changes) have impacted your physical and mental health (and general feelings of well-being). I personally might start there. I’m not sure how large your current company is, but if it’s large enough then one possibility might be another position with the same company. Sometimes all that’s needed to feel refreshed and reenergized is a change in your direct manager. There is generally far less friction with an in-company job change than there would be with leaving for another job altogether (e.g., interviewing might be easier, you don’t walk away from the pension incentive, etc.). In your case, you’ve stated that the day to day work has changed significantly, and that you are now doing a job that doesn’t directly match your skills and experience. This is an uncomfortable place to be. But it can also be an exciting place to be–you get to learn and develop new skills! This simple mindset shift could do wonders. Back in the mid-to-late 90s, there was a book titled “Who Moved My Cheese?” that discussed some of the challenges that go along with changes in our jobs due to strategic shifts by our employers. It’s a short book (and you might have come across it in the past), but it wouldn’t be bad to read or re-read it. There are some decent insights there.
Bottom line: Pick one key variable and make a reasonably small change. See how things settle. Evaluate. Iterate. Do this for a couple of years. You may find that the small changes are not enough. At that point, there may not be a lot of “small” changes left, and you’ll be left with the larger changes (like leaving the workforce entirely). If that turns out to be the case, make the leap. Evaluate for a year. Or two. Then adjust if necessary/desired.
Great post! I’ve been binge watching campfi videos on youtube. There have been some great ones along the lines of the advice above.
I’ll add to the thoughts of a few others here that this site/some members can be overly conservative on this topic. It does not/should not be binary (can retire/cannot retire). This however, is the best site for advice on earning, saving and investing money!
