LilyFleur wrote: Fri Oct 17, 2025 8:00 pm
I am the person who had a good experience with InvesTrust. They are based in Oklahoma City but they do not take California clients because they do not deal with California real estate assets. They did arrange to sell my mother’s house in Oklahoma City, setting up an estate sale to empty the house, arranging for movers, etc. They also dealt with her two long-term care policies, and her hospital bills. I think they gave her a bargain, as she was a financial planner and had probably sent them business over the years, or perhaps fee schedules in Oklahoma City are more reasonable than those in California. They did all the administrative work plus managed the investments in her portfolio for a very low fee schedule.
This sounds exactly what I’m looking for. Maybe I’ll move to OK!
LilyFleur wrote: Fri Oct 17, 2025 8:00 pm
I strongly recommend that you pre-select a licensed social worker who specializes and has experience with geriatric care. Because we were in different states than our mother, we hired a wonderful LCSW who would step in to help, as needed. (This was not a Medicare benefit; she was private pay for us.) She would accompany our mother to doctor appointments (you will need someone for this, as nursing homes don’t generally have someone to take you to the doctor, although the nursing home my mother was at had a doctor on staff who visited the residents in their rooms. She was also good at explaining medical choices for us. Evidently people with dementia do not recover from hospital stays as well as seniors without cognitive issues, and she had statistics for us and research for us so that we made good decisions. You may need transport arranged for a doctor visit if you are in a wheelchair, as well. Ten years ago in Oklahoma City, the cost of the van and driver was $70 for a doctor visit. These costs do add up. I think you mentioned selecting your medigap provider and so on. I think that could be provided by the LCSW, but I’m thinking your medical power of attorney might need to sign off on your choices if you are incapacitated.At one point we had to have a 24/7 helper for my mother (private pay) in her skilled nursing room. She had a broken limb and because of the dementia, kept trying to jump out of bed. She would forget she was not supposed to be walk, at all. Her helpers were adept at standing by the bed and reminding her that she needed to stay in the bed and standing and blocking her from leaving the bed without physically restraining her. I was impressed at how well they did this.
This is great idea. I have a very good friend who has agreed to be my health care power of attorney when the need arises, but choosing support professionals ahead of time will help her immensely. I would involve her in that decision making.
LilyFleur wrote: Fri Oct 17, 2025 8:00 pm
You are fortunate in the size of your portfolio, as you will be able to afford good help. I have heard that it is better to have a more detailed advance health care directive than the boiler-plate one. For example, if you have severe dementia, do you want to be treated with antibiotics if you get pneumonia? (One of the physical effects of dementia can be the inability to swallow without aspirating, and then getting pneumonia because of the aspiration.)
This is something I never thought about. My health care proxy and I are planning to have a long conversation about what my long-term care and end-of-life choices may look like, but I hadn’t thought about documenting all that in my advance health care directive.
LilyFleur wrote: Fri Oct 17, 2025 8:00 pm
The professional fiduciary we selected is local, and it is a family business, so there is backup in-house. Some professional fiduciaries are solo practitioners. As one of my adult children is bipolar, I appreciated that our professional fiduciary is experienced at working with spendthrift trusts for the mentally ill, and if needed, has a caseworker available (for private pay) to ensure their best care, if there is enough money for that. We went to the fiduciary’s office to meet in person, and while the office was a bit messy, I liked their wholistic, caring approach. My estate is much smaller than yours, and I will most likely be paying 1%. They use fee-based financial planners for portfolio management. (I’m a bit fuzzy on that.)
It seems that you have given this a lot of careful thought and have developed a great plan. Gives me something to aim for !
LilyFleur wrote: Fri Oct 17, 2025 8:00 pm
My estate attorney offers the service of settling the estate, as does my professional fiduciary.
My atty is clear that she will be available for providing advice as needed, but she has no interest in these tasks. She’s built a successful business sticking to the advice and planning aspects.
Thank you for your thoughtful reply.
